It was when I watched the superhit movie 'Baghbaan',that I came across a unique thought. It is also something I observed is prevalent in today's world.
While the movie very beautifully brings out the emotions, the pain and the suffering of an old couple betrayed by their own children, I want to throw light on the ther side of the story.
It's not about the movie 'Baghbaan' but there are stories around us, in the real world, where the younger generations suffers.
Most of the time parents bring up their children with an expectation to get financial and emotional support from them when they grow up.
While it's fair to expect support from your own children, how many parents really understand what their child's needs, dreams and desires are and support them?
They tend to force their children to live dreams they couldn't fulfil in ther lifetime. Then what happens to the dreams of these children? They further dump their dreams on their children and this chain continues.
It is carried down from one generation to the next one and everyone suffers in the process.
When a child is born, parents celebrate and welcome him to the new world. As the child grows, everything he does is an adventure for the parents, every word is a blessing and every move a lifetime moment for them.
It goes to an extent where parents keep the child's articles and things as if it was a treasure. They would never discard even the dirtiest and worst looking toy without asking the child, fearing it might hurt the child.
But as the child grows, his dreams seem meaningless to them, his words carry no weightage and his desires are mere waste of time.
The child has to either live his parent's dream sacrificing his own, or live his dreams sacrificing his parent's happiness.
Be it the smallest choice of which subject to choose, which college to go, which job to join, or as big as whom to choose as life partner.... every child goes through this tough choice in every way.
Some give up their dreams and silently live to see their parents happy. Some choose to live their own dreams and leave their parents behind in the process. Some unable to take the pressure of such choices take drastic steps and give up their hope on life.
Why is it that every child has to go through this tough choice?
Why can't parents allow the child to live his dreams without sacrificing their happiness?
Why can't there be a balance between these two?
I have been searching for an answer to this question... and after so many years of learning, observing and bringing up a child single handedly, I guess I do have some answers now. Will detail them in the next blog on this topic.
Answer to this lies in lack of love for self. We fail to learn ourselves and stand for self in pressing situation and carry on burden to other events in life. India society weighs too much on family values wherein individual choices are unattended often. Wherein, happy individuals can make a happier family.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully expressed Priyanka. Thank you so much
DeleteBeautifully articulated Ana. So true!!!
ReplyDeleteIt’s mostly here in India that we think that children belong to us. We tend to forget Kahlil Gibran the Famous Lebanese American’s superb quote” They come through you but not from you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts “. Detached attachment is the greatest form of love if practised!
Best quote Rajam...I am so proud of my dad ...he used to give all the love but not his thoughts ..he always wanted us (children) to think and take desicions independently...he used to give advices while taking the desicions and his support...We(Family) were able to survive independently without anyone support when he was expired..all I can say is , Confidence and freedom of thinking should be given to child so that they vl overcome any difficult situation....
DeleteGod bless your dad. Rarely found. So glad you were blessed with him
DeleteIt's completely depends on parents mind set.Every child will become a happiest and successful person if they give freedom to children to make desicions independently. Parents needs to be their to guide/support and explain about positives and negatives of children desicion.but they can not force children to make parents choice of desicions.
ReplyDeleteBang on
DeleteGood to know about your dad Sony !
ReplyDeleteThe faster we let kids be free and decide for themselves the better they would be ! Doesn’t mean we won’t intervene when they falter or need help !