No You Are Not Gone

No you are not gone....

With every passing day, you send new blessings my way,
With every fleeting thought, you guide me what to say,
No you are not gone....

The life I boast of, is a gift you gave, you taught me to be a queen never a slave,
No you are not gone....

The values I preach, the love I share,
Is really what was left out of your heart to spare,
No you are not gone....

Not a touch, not a feel, yet I sense you all around,
Not a word,  not a song, yet I hear in all your sound, 
No you are not gone....

No I am not in denial, I am not holding on, yet there is something of you that has stayed back
Paving my path, guiding my soul, flying me high, keeping me in check

So I say, No you are not gone....
you are here, right here,
with me, within me,
in me, around me,
above me, surrounding me.

May be I was you and you are me. May be what is, Is you and what's gone was me.

Miss you I may not, because the day I do, I will be no more...

Fearlessness

What is a fear? What makes us afraid? What are we scared of?
When we try to answer these questions, we get to the root of our fears and will have the clarity and courage to win beyond them.
Fear, to begin with, is not the absence of courage. Fearlessness is not about fighting it out mentally or physically. It is rather not having the need or desire to fight at all. Fear is a product of insecurities, of the desire to control and have command over everything that happens to and around us. Fear is the feeling of losing that control, on not just what we want, but when we want and whom we want it from.
So what are we afraid of then? We are really afraid of the unknown. The moment insecurities hit us, we fear about the outcomes, the future, the possible losess - physical, emotional or material.
How can we be fearless then? The answer is in the question. To be and not to become.
The moment we accept that we have truly no control of our life whatsoever and do a compete surrender to the one who does, the all encompassing God, there is a completely new perspective about life that rests within us. This acceptance leads to letting go of the Control. And when we do not wish or try to control anything, reaching deep peace within and without, what we have, what we dont, what the past was, what the future holds, who/ What stays and who/ What goes, then becomes irrelevant. This is when we achieve absolute fearlessness.

Judging Is the Norm

#Stopjudging

Being an outcaste in your own home is a terrible feeling. And yes I have been there. Here is my story... in brief

I WAS JUDGED, I AM JUDGED...

I lost my mom at the age of 2. Was sent to be raised by my bua (dad 's sister) who I believed to be my mom, till at the age of 10, I was again uprooted from her and planted back to my dad 's place. I WAS JUDGED for not being able to understand what was happening, for being in denial that the lady I called my mom wasn't my mom, and the one who was, wasn't alive anymore.

I was hardly 12 when my dad remarried. I welcomed her with open arms. Yet somehow she never liked me. May be a product of patriarchy she was. Yet again, I WAS JUDGED to be unable to adjust and dance to her tunes.

At the age of 13, I got sexually abused, not once but multiple times. Not by one, but many many of them... mostly family members. Yet I WAS JUDGED for raising voice against them. Because it was me who was thinking about sex, not them.

I went through physical and emotional abuse in the hands of my step mother for nearly 8 years till I decided to run away. Yet I WAS JUDGED for running away from the house.

I chose to marry the first guy who seemed good enough and claimed to love me. Only to escape the torture of my step mother. Yet I WAS JUDGED to be bold and marry outside the caste and language.

I gave it my all to the man and his parents, changed myself entirely to their liking, yet they could never accept me. And I WAS JUDGED to be unable to woo my in-laws.

I was sexually abused even by my husband, may be he didn't understand how to handle my sexual insecurities. Yet I WAS JUDGED to not know how to serve myself to him.

I balanced between my 2 year old, night shifts and my household work for 7 years, killing every possibility of my time. yet I WAS JUDGED for not giving enough time to them and being career oriented.

I gave my body, mind heart, soul, time and money everything to my marriage for 9 long years. Yet when i gave up on it and chose to get divorced, I WAS JUDGED.

I brought up my child single handedly without any support from anyone. Yet I WAS JUDGED everyday for having taken away the pleasure of having a family from him.

I remained alone, at times lonely, went through a life of rags, wore donated clothes, but ensured my son got the best I could afford. And then I WAS JUDGED for not being able to focus on myself.

I have always kept my son my priority over my profession and my dreams. And then I AM JUDGED to not be career oriented and ambitious.

Today, I am happy where I am, have succeed in almost all aspects of life. Yet I AM JUDGED to be HAPPY despite being divorced and not living by the social norms.

In all these years, the biggest lesson I have learnt is that PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU no matter what you do, and what you don't. Yet I choose to NEVER JUDGE ANYONE irrespective of whatever I see or hear.

We do not know what their past is, what their journey is, what their fears and dreams are. So no we don't have the right to JUDGE.