Judging Is the Norm

#Stopjudging

Being an outcaste in your own home is a terrible feeling. And yes I have been there. Here is my story... in brief

I WAS JUDGED, I AM JUDGED...

I lost my mom at the age of 2. Was sent to be raised by my bua (dad 's sister) who I believed to be my mom, till at the age of 10, I was again uprooted from her and planted back to my dad 's place. I WAS JUDGED for not being able to understand what was happening, for being in denial that the lady I called my mom wasn't my mom, and the one who was, wasn't alive anymore.

I was hardly 12 when my dad remarried. I welcomed her with open arms. Yet somehow she never liked me. May be a product of patriarchy she was. Yet again, I WAS JUDGED to be unable to adjust and dance to her tunes.

At the age of 13, I got sexually abused, not once but multiple times. Not by one, but many many of them... mostly family members. Yet I WAS JUDGED for raising voice against them. Because it was me who was thinking about sex, not them.

I went through physical and emotional abuse in the hands of my step mother for nearly 8 years till I decided to run away. Yet I WAS JUDGED for running away from the house.

I chose to marry the first guy who seemed good enough and claimed to love me. Only to escape the torture of my step mother. Yet I WAS JUDGED to be bold and marry outside the caste and language.

I gave it my all to the man and his parents, changed myself entirely to their liking, yet they could never accept me. And I WAS JUDGED to be unable to woo my in-laws.

I was sexually abused even by my husband, may be he didn't understand how to handle my sexual insecurities. Yet I WAS JUDGED to not know how to serve myself to him.

I balanced between my 2 year old, night shifts and my household work for 7 years, killing every possibility of my time. yet I WAS JUDGED for not giving enough time to them and being career oriented.

I gave my body, mind heart, soul, time and money everything to my marriage for 9 long years. Yet when i gave up on it and chose to get divorced, I WAS JUDGED.

I brought up my child single handedly without any support from anyone. Yet I WAS JUDGED everyday for having taken away the pleasure of having a family from him.

I remained alone, at times lonely, went through a life of rags, wore donated clothes, but ensured my son got the best I could afford. And then I WAS JUDGED for not being able to focus on myself.

I have always kept my son my priority over my profession and my dreams. And then I AM JUDGED to not be career oriented and ambitious.

Today, I am happy where I am, have succeed in almost all aspects of life. Yet I AM JUDGED to be HAPPY despite being divorced and not living by the social norms.

In all these years, the biggest lesson I have learnt is that PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU no matter what you do, and what you don't. Yet I choose to NEVER JUDGE ANYONE irrespective of whatever I see or hear.

We do not know what their past is, what their journey is, what their fears and dreams are. So no we don't have the right to JUDGE.